She's on Fire

Becoming the Best You: Rising Above Mean Girls

• Jen Gaines

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Ever been on the receiving end of mean girl behavior, either online or offline? We've all been there and today we're talking about it. Reflecting on my own encounters, I've realized that these interactions can serve as life lessons. Far from being a reflection on us, they're a mirror showing their own insecurities. I'll share how establishing protective boundaries for our mental and emotional wellbeing, surrounding ourselves with supportive communities, and nurturing self-confidence has been instrumental in rising above such negativity.

Join us as we remind you and ourselves that overcoming mean girls isn't just about surviving, it's about becoming the best version of yourself. Tune in to the She's on Fire podcast, and together, let's rise above.

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Jen Gaines:

All right, welcome back to the She's on Fire podcast, The podcast dedicated to helping women overcome fear from standing out, build that confidence, be fierce and really succeed in their online businesses. I'm your host. It's me, Jen Gaines, and today we're going to be talking about a topic that many of us have faced at some point in our lives dealing with mean girls. All right, this is a topic near and dear to my heart. I've had to deal lately with something like this, so I thought it was a good idea to kind of dive into this topic, because I know that it happens to a lot of us. So I know, growing up, many of us experience the challenges and heartaches that come with encountering mean girls right In school, in our communities, maybe in social clubs, whatever. I was actually really surprised, though, that I would still have been dealing with that stuff. In my 30s, i literally couldn't believe it, and now, in my 40s, even to me it's just crazy. It really is, and with the rise of social media and the prevalence of online interactions, dealing with mean girls has really taken on a new dimension. It really has. So today we're going to discuss how to overcome this online, even in our offline lives, right And find strength to really rise above the negativity.

Jen Gaines:

All right, so to begin with, i want to reflect on our own experiences with mean girls. Growing up, i remember feeling the sting of the hurtful words, of the interactions, being excluded And the constant questioning of my self-worth. That's what it came down to. It was really difficult and painful when things like this would happen, and it took a toll on my confidence, and then again, in my 30s and 40s to have this kind of stuff happen. It's something that's really important to talk about, because I know this happens to a lot of women at this age too. All right, here's what I do realize, though Here's something that's really over the last couple of years, i've come to realize that through those experiences, i really learned valuable lessons that have helped me navigate the online world with resilience and grace. Does it always happen where I'm like, oh, i just kind of brush it off whatever? Oh, because it can be hurtful, but just a few years ago I would handle things so very differently than I do now, and really the first step in overcoming this mean girl bullshit online or even offline either way is really understanding that their behavior is a reflection of their own insecurities. It is not a true reflection of who you are as a person, most likely, unless you're an a-hole, right But it's really a reflection of their own insecurities. So, just like in real life, mean girls online often use negativity to mask their own fears. You know insecurities, jealousy, all that kind of stuff, right? Remembering this can really help you detach emotionally from the hurtful comments and recognize that their actions really say more about them than they do about you. So next, it's important to create boundaries, though, and really protect your mental and emotional well-being.

Jen Gaines:

Social media platforms they are, it's like, just a breeding ground for negativity in a lot of ways. There's a lot of positive you know aspects to it I absolutely will say that but there are a lot of negative aspects to it as well, and it's really crucial to filter out those voices, the toxicity, and really focus on the positive ones, the positive voices out there Surrounding yourself I always say this, always always Surrounding yourself with a supportive community of like-minded individuals who uplift and inspire you is so crucial when you're running an online business. Engaging with accounts that promote positivity, have a, you know, promote a growth mindset is crucial, and really and this is what I do all the time I'm not as much anymore. I don't get I don't get that many hate comments. Maybe I will now that I'm saying this, but don't hesitate to block or mute those who are consistently spreading negativity, and do not hesitate to just block mean girls or guys, whoever it is. I use mean girls because I think that, as women, we do deal with a lot of the inga-sipping, and you know the mean girl shit, right, the mean girl shit. I find that men in general are not as apt to be like that. They're just not, and maybe that's why I've always gotten along better with men. I don't know, but don't hesitate to block people like that. You don't have to put up with that. That doesn't have to stay in your life, doesn't? Haters, trolls, whatever you want to call them. Block them. They are of zero use in your life, all right.

Jen Gaines:

Another key aspect of overcoming mean girls online is really cultivating self confidence, building self confidence and resilience. It takes time, it takes effort, but it's really crucial to have this skill for anyone navigating the online world. This is why I work so hard on this with my clients. I worked so hard on it with myself. That's why my clients and I dive so deep into it, because it's so critical for the success of your business. Every single program I run, for the most part, has this mindset piece to it, building that resilience, building that unshakable confidence. It's so important. This is why in my membership we talk and learn about how to be fierce as fuck.

Jen Gaines:

So when these mean girl things happen, you have more resilience. You've got to remind yourself of your strengths, your accomplishments and the value that you bring to the table. You have to celebrate your uniqueness So you remember why you're out there doing what you do. And when the bullshit happens, you're more resilient to it. You've got to embrace the things that make you stand out. You have to remember that mean girls' opinions hold no weight compared to your own belief in yourself. That's why you've got to create that belief ahead of time. That's why you've got to work on your resilience and your self-confidence and your courage. It's so critical to your business, it's so critical to your mental state when you're putting yourself out there.

Jen Gaines:

And then another thing is imposter syndrome. It really often goes hand in hand with the whole mean girl bullshit, whether online or offline. Right, it's that feeling of not being good enough. It's the feeling of doubting yourself, of thinking you don't know what you're talking about. That can often come into play when people, when women, start saying negative things to you. So to combat imposter syndrome goes back to self-confidence again. It goes back to your achievements, and we all have achieved something.

Jen Gaines:

Practice self-talk with yourself. Practice it in the mirror with yourself. Do that every single day. It will make such a difference. You can do that. Surround yourself with supportive peers. Get mentors who are supportive, these people who can remind you of your worth and really provide guidance when needed And we all need it sometimes. I can't tell you how much things change for me by just getting a mentor. It really, really helped up level my life.

Jen Gaines:

And the last thing I want you to remember is that you have the power to control the narrative. All right, i want you to remember this In the face of mean girls online or offline, for that matter, it doesn't matter. Either way don't stoop to their own level. This is what I used to do. I used to stoop down to their own level and I'd argue back and forth or I would send messages back and forth. It's not worth it, and I actually learned from Gary Vaynerchuk, so he takes the credit for this. I actually learned from him and I've used it. Don't stoop to their level.

Jen Gaines:

If you respond with kindness and understanding and thinking like that poor person, like the way that they must think about themselves, that they take the time out of their day to make negative comments, have negative reactions and act that way, imagine how horrible their life must be. Imagine how horrible their inner life must be inside them. So, when you respond with kindness and understanding, it really can often diffuse tense situations and shift the dynamics completely. I've had to do this recently. Choose to rise above negativity and focus on building your online business with authenticity and make sure you cultivate not only your client relationships, but relationships with your peers who are on the same journey with you, because they're gonna get it, because they will support you, because either they've been there or someday they will be there too. These are the things that will really, really make a difference. Rise above the negativity. Become fierce as fuck. Don't let others drag you down into it.

Jen Gaines:

And as we wrap up, i just wanna I really wanna remind you it's not an easy task to overcome these things. All right, i get that, but it is absolutely possible by understanding other people's insecurities, creating boundaries, cultivating the self-confidence. Cultivating the self-confidence, combating that imposter syndrome, working on your resilience, you literally can rise above the negativity and continue to build your online business and really step out and be successful. I hope this helps. I really hope this helps And if it did, or if it hits home with you, i would love it if you would really leave a review for me, leave a five-star review. I would love to hear from you. All right, i'll talk to you later. Bye.